Saturday, October 30, 2010. At 8AM in the morning, my precious father died.
Though it hurts so much, I think it was better. Because he was suffering so much. Even he, was begging God to take him because the pain and suffering was too much. He can't bare it any longer.
By the near end of 2009, my Dad got sick. He wanted to die already. He began telling me his last messages and things I should do if he pass away. I can't stop my tears. Of course, I didn't want him to die. He was everything to me. I don't want to lose more than half of my life. But it was very fortunate that he regained his strength ad was able to recover. He was bed ridden that time but he was able to walk again.
But by June 2010, if I remember correctly it was the 18th, his lungs collapsed and he was confined in the hospital. A tube was attached to his lungs so that he can breathe well and the water will come out. After that, he was in and out of the hospital. He would be home and then a few days later, he will complain about not being able to breath well. So, he will go back to the hospital and be confined. The last was last October 17, the day after my birthday. He was brought back to the hospital. They attached tubes to him again and he was put in the ICU. Since it was ICU, you can't just visit him whenever you like.. You can only visit him twice a day. From 11AM-12NN and 6PM-7PM. And if ever my Dad is asleep, my Mom won't be able to talk to him. My mom and the relatives of the other patients in the ICU were not allowed to sleep there. They slept outside the hospital. They had no beds but chairs instead. So, every night after visiting my Dad, my Mom would go home and sleep in the house then the day after she will go back in the morning.
Last October 29, my Mom said that my Dad was sleeping so she wasn't able to talk to him. My Mom put her Cellphone off. She didn't know why she did because she never do that. It was only that night. The next day, Kuya Noel was knocking at our door. Since my room was near the door, I woke up. She told my Mom that my Dad's doctor called. My Mom went out. And when she came back, my brother asked her what happened. She said the doctor told her that my Dad was in a bad condition, that he was getting worse. She rushed to the hospital with my cousin. An hour later, Kuya Noel went to our house again and said.. "Your father.. is dead." I got back to my senses since I just woke up and was still in bed. I went out and said,"WHAT?!" I didn't know what to do. I texted my friends and told them what happened, since 1 of them was really close to my Dad.
My brother and I went to the hospital. When went in the ICU to see his body. When I lifted the sheet that covered his body, I saw his face. I can see pain and sadness. We weren't there when he died. I feel so bad. He was alone! He never saw us in his last minutes! That hurts me even more. It could've been better if we were beside him that time! The doctor said that by 9PM that night, my Dad's condition got worse. But his condition still became stable. But by 12AM, it got worse. By 4AM, he had cardiac arrest. And 8AM in the morning, he passed away.
I only visited him once. He stayed in ICU for 2 weeks. It was hard for me to see him in his condition. Because of the tube attached in his mouth, he can't speak. He held my hand tight.
He told me using signs, pointing to himself, then his heart, and to me. Meaning..
"I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U"
Papa,
I love you so much. You are my everything. I lost more than half of me when you passed away. I will miss you. Remember, you are the BEST DAD IN THE WORLD! I won't forget you. ALWAYS BE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL. I know you're always here to protect and guard me. See you again. Ti'll next time! I know you're happy now, with God. Thank you for being my father. I'M THE LUCKIEST TO HAVE YOU!
Papa's Little Girl
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